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  1. #1
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Engineers

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    The engineering mind is different. (I intentionally did not say odd)





    Understanding Engineers - Take One:

    Two engineering students were walking across campus


    when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"



    The second engineer

    replied, "Well, I was walking

    along yesterday minding my own business

    when a

    beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the


    bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and


    said,"Take what you want."

    The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice;


    the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Two:



    To the optimist, the

    glass is half full. To the

    pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the

    engineer,

    the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



    Understanding Engineers

    - Take Three:


    A pastor,

    a doctor and an engineer were waiting one

    morning for a particularly

    slow group of golfers. The

    engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?

    We must have

    been waiting for 15 minutes!"

    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've

    never

    seen such ineptitude!"

    The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.


    Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi


    George, say, what's with that group ahead of us?


    They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group


    of blind firefighters lost their sight saving our


    clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them


    play for free anytime."



    The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,


    "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer


    for them tonight."



    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact


    my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything


    he can do for them."



    The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



    Understanding Engineers

    - Take Four:


    There was

    an engineer who had an exceptional gift for

    fixing all things

    mechanical. After serving his

    company loyally for over 30 years, he

    happily

    retired. Several years later the company contacted him


    regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were


    having with one of their multimillion dollar


    machines. They had tried everything and everyone else


    to get the machine to work but to no avail. In


    desperation, they called on the retired engineer who


    had solved so many of their problems in the past.



    The engineer

    reluctantly took the challenge. He spent

    a day studying the huge

    machine. At the end of the

    day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a

    particular

    component of the machine and stated, "This is

    where

    your problem is." The part was replaced and the


    machine worked perfectly again.

    The company received a bill for $50,000 from the


    engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized


    accounting of his charges.

    The engineer responded briefly: "One chalk mark,


    $1.00. Knowing where to put it $49,999.00."



    It was paid in full and

    the engineer retired again in peace.




    Understanding Engineers - Take Five:

    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers


    and Civil Engineers?



    Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers


    build targets.



    Understanding Engineers - Take Six:

    Three engineering students were gathered together


    discussing the possible designers of the human body.


    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at


    all the joints. "



    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The


    nervous system has many thousands of electrical


    connections."



    The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who


    else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a


    recreational area?"



    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:

    Normal people believe that ...if it ain't broke,

    don't fix it."


    Engineers believe that: "...if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
    enough features yet."-Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle



    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:

    An architect, an artist and an engineer were


    discussing whether it was better to spend time with


    the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed


    time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an


    enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed


    time with his mistress,because of the passion and


    mystery he found there.



    The engineer said, "I like both."

    The others: "Both?"

    Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,


    they will each assume you are spending time with the


    other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some


    work done."



    Understanding Engineers - Take Nine:

    An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog


    called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn


    into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up


    the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up


    again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into


    a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one


    week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,


    smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog


    then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into


    a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you


    want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at


    it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog


    asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a


    beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week


    and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"



    The engineer said,

    "Look I'm an engineer. I don't

    have time for a girlfriend, but a

    talking frog, now

    that's cool."
    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

  2. #2
    Moderator idesign's Avatar
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    I love this one Belgareth. I'm

    sending it to my Dad, a retired Engineer. He'll be all over this.

  3. #3
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Yours about pheromones was

    pretty good too.

    Actually, those were all true stories except the one about the talking frog. He only imagined

    it after 47 hours straight playing some video game.
    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

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