Hey y\'all. Here\'s the story from the weekend with that guy I like, for those of you who are interested.
Since R and I spent the first two days pretty much attached at the hip, my friend E, who has heretofore been too chicken to ask R if he was interested in me, took it upon herself to do it this weekend while I was off doing something else. She worked it into a conversation about a lot of other things, but here\'s what was said. She asked him did he miss being up here at school, he said yes. She asked if he missed hanging out with us, he said yes. She told him I seemed to really miss hanging out with him a lot, and he said he really missed me too. She told him I seemed to talk about him a lot, and that she was pretty sure I was interested in him as more than a friend. He said, \"Uh, huh,\" like he was confirming he\'d heard what she said, but not commenting. Since he wasn\'t being any more forthcoming, she told him she was bringing all this up because she had seen me and R together and she thought he might be interested in me too. To that he said \"What difference does it make? I\'m not even up there.\" and she stopped asking him anymore, because he sounded mad/sad/bitter? when he said it.
I showed up a little later, and he was really nice for a while, and we played around a bit. Then we all went out to dinner, and all of a sudden he was paying no attention to me at all, other than to be polite, and paid way more attention to my friend E all night, to the point that she even noticed it. I was very hurt, needless to say, and figured I had my answer--not interested. BTW, E is married, and they have no interest in each other, other than friendship. She\'s like his little sister.
Next morning R and I had to get up early to do something, and while we were alone for a minute and waiting for someone else to show up, I told him E had told me she\'d told him I was interested. He nodded--very closed body language all of a sudden. I lied just a bit here. I told him I understood he was not interested in me, and I hadn\'t planned to say anything to him about it, but E had thought he was interested, which is why she\'d asked him. He nodded once like he understood--more a confirmation-that-he-was-listening kind of a nod than any comment. I then told him that I really valued our friendship and it was most important to me that we stayed friends more than anything else. Another nod. Then I asked if everything was ok between us, and he said yes. After that, he seemed like his usual self all morning, till we ran into E and everybody else, then he flipped into polite mode again. ( I have to say that I was extremely nervous about a presentation I had to give that afternoon as well, so I wasn\'t the height of conversation.) Still got a hug before he left at lunch, and he said he\'d give me a call some time this week. He\'s still coming up to visit us for a week--next week (when my birthday is--(he\'d asked Saturday what day it is to make sure he had the day right) so he\'ll be here for my b-day. This he told E after I left to go make my presentation. Dunno if he\'ll stay at my house again or at someone else\'s. Guess we\'ll have to see.
What do y\'all think? E says she\'s not sure what to think, since he never confirmed or denied anything, and from the way he was asking what difference it made. Our friend Clay thinks he does like me, and seemed honestly surprised about how he was acting. Sounds like a \"no\" to me.
He\'s been \"caught out\".
Noticed how he hasn\'t said \"no\"?? He would have most likely said no if that was the case.
My take on it: He is very much attracted you. But extremely conflicted about it.(Religion? Friendship?? Distance???) He changed when the others turned up? If that\'s the case then he\'s embarrassed that he was \"obvious\". And for that same reason that\'s why he kind of ignored you. Don\'t take it the wrong way. He just felt awkward and was maybe trying to send you off track to protect himself.
To me it seems, things being different, he would be all over you girl.
Another point. You said to him it\'s MORE important you stay friends. Won\'t that sound like a \"Let\'s Just Be Friends\" line to him???
I\'ll admit that it seemed to relax him when things werwe tense.
It\'s all out there now. Let him mull over it. It\'ll be a waiting game to see what happens. That\'s gotta frustrate YOU! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]
If he doesn\'t do anything you may have to get together with him at a time when you both KNOW the others aren\'t expected to turn up (and embarrass him) and REALLY discuss it. \"I\'m happy how things are! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] But I\'m also nuts about you!\" . But a word of warning. Make sure you ARE.
But overall he\'s definately conflicted about this. For whatever reason/s [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]
It\'s nice to have a guy\'s translation of this, bb. Thanks. He was great Friday and Saturday. Called me twice to see where we were on the way down there, because he was early and we were late. A big group of us went down in a van, and I wasn\'t sitting in the same seat as E and Clay, but in the back with another couple of guy friends of mine. He climbed in and sat with E and Clay, but kept looking back at me like he was checking to see if I was glad to see him, and giving me a little grin. (We are good enough friends that we can often talk with looks.) I smiled warmly, but didn\'t say much, since I had just woke up from a nap. He kept talking to E and Clay, but glancing back at me. Everywhere we went Fri and Sat, and everything we did, he was right next to me, sitting, standing, whatever. We were leaning all over each other, playing around... His eyes were dilated, he was sweet, a gentleman--even carrying my cell phone and wallet around for me when I didn\'t want to take my purse out. (I love southern men. lol) Then E does the deed and whamo! I don\'t exist. Sounds like a good observation, bundyburger. Takes a lot of the hurt out of it. We\'ll see what he does next.
I hate waiting. Many bad words.
that would also explain the \'formal\' treatment he gave you around others, tryin to cover up that\'obvious\' mode he seemed to have been caught in and wants to try to make sure they don\'t catch him like that again.
now it is really hard to say why he won\'t open up to you, but i will say this.
no matter how i personally felt about a woman, if there was NO way in hell i could be close to her, i wouldn\'t committ to a long distant relationship, not fair to her, or to me and does neither of us any good. I cant read HIS mind of course but very well might be he feels like i would, and just flat doesnt wanna risk a long distance thing. if thats the case he will come around, in time. meanwhile, no strings, just keep being his friend [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]
One comment. You don\'t want this guy for anything more than a friend. He would drive you crazy for life...the procrastination, indecisiveness, lackadaisical approach.
Amen and amen.
I wish I could look at her and tell her how very much she doesn\'t want a man like this...you know exactly what I mean, don\'t you?
FTR and Lucky,
I\'m not sure I agree with you on this one, but I can see where you\'re coming from. And if y\'all turn out to be right, I apologize for the teeth grinding I can hear even as I write this.
What BB and Wolfe say makes sense to me. I told y\'all before he\'s looking for a job (and really looking for something close), but not all of them are close by. Some are pretty close, but some are way out West or up in the NE. He knows he\'s not going to be where he is a lot longer, and why start something when he may not be around? Otherwise, he\'s generally pretty on the ball about making decisions and getting things done. Sometimes THAT is the annoying part, but only when he doesn\'t agree with me. I think I\'ll give him a little longer and see what happens.
Lucky, I do know. But who ever listens when they have a crush? It\'s keeping her mind busy. I think she likes a challenge. Long as she takes a break from thinking about this guy every once in awhile to do something more productive, like bang her head against a wall. No good to have a one-track mind about things.
SRH, I\'m teasing you. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]
I\'ve tried to tell things to those who wouldn\'t listen, and I understand how frustrating it can be when you KNOW, and they won\'t LISTEN. I did listen to what you said, and I respect your opinions, and I\'m still going to give him a little more time. I\'m interested in seeing how this ends up, but if it\'s not meant to be, it\'s not meant to be. He knows I\'m interested now, whether he is or not, and the ball is in his court.
Honest, we were teasing you a little. I don\'t know about Lucky, but I\'ve been known to be wrong from time to time.
I hope he comes around.
Me, wrong? Could that happen?
SRH, I bet you are tough as a boot and could get anything you want. I just want you to want what you get.
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