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  1. #1
    Phero Dude
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    Default Interesting Last Night.

    visit-red-300x50PNG
    I went out with

    a girl last night that I had met at a dance club a couple weeks ago. She approached me first (phero magic perhaps)

    to dance and a few minutes later she asked me to kiss her. She seemed somewhat aggressive to say the least that

    night.

    Last night out with her I wore what I did the first time I met her(7:3:1 chrome/TE/AE 1 dab back neck,

    chest, 1 behind each ear). Everything went well conversation wise as we went to the Mall of America here in

    Minneapolis. We had plans to eat and go to the comedy club. She wanted to stop by an apparel store first to return

    pants. She then chose a couple things to wear. I told her that was fine with me. I helped her pick out colors but

    didn\'t fit for her. I told her it was ok to try on something that fits better. She was somewhat concerned that it

    could be too late to make the comedy club. She really wanted to try on more and I reiterated that was fine with me.

    It was for I kinda enjoyed seeing her in new outfits and wanted to give a good impression.

    Now the interesting at

    dinner (too late to make comedy club). She really opened up. She said she wanted to be upfront that she has issues

    in the past and current. Her ex had died due to a diabetic seizure a couple years ago & she currently has

    episodes of depression somewhat attributed to that. I let her know that I thought it was great that she was an open

    person (although I thoughtto myself perhaps too much on first date) and felt comfortable enough with me to be

    upfront. I also lent a little sympathy to her. She also intermixed some sensual innuendos (getting hot, can hardly

    wait to kiss you, questions about how much I like sex, etc). I didn\'t expound too much but just enough to keep

    her interested in knowing more about my sexual interests. I asked her if she wanted to go to a piano bar,catch the

    end of the comedy club, or watch a movie at my place. She said any choice was fine with her as she fixatingly gazed

    into my eyes. I chose going back and watching a movie.

    She kept the sensual talk going and said {aren\'t you

    going to come over by me and hug me?) while she was on my coach. So with \'Bridget Jones Diary\' on we were

    holding each other which gradually led to soft kissing. She didn\'t wanna stop. As we did she continued sexual

    innuendo. Shew was mostly inititating tongue and heavier kisses among other movements that showed sexual interest. I

    wanted to take it a little easy and not proceed too far for I am looking forward to going out with her more and

    getting to know her better. I didn\'t want it to get too out of hand that night. I wanted her to be interested in

    more later and also ddin\'t want to give her the perception that I was just out for sex with her. Especially since

    I was looking forward to the next date.I told her I wanted to be a good guy tonight.
    Soon thereafter she said she

    didn\'t want me to have the perception that she was whorish (I think she said because she knew she seemed more

    agressive than me).

    Now for what caught me off guard and struck me. She said that she had been in a sexually

    abusive relationship in the past and it kinda affects her now. She sometimes mentally feels she must satisfy a guy

    sexually and feels she must go overboard to do this kinda due to the past abuse. I guess it\'s because the guy

    she had the abusive relationship would treat her as a sex object and make certain demands of her and perhaps

    criticize her. Therefore she has the mentality that she is just a sex object? Or is it an excuse for her more

    aggressive behavior toward me? I\'m going with the abused because I felt terrible for her after she told me. I

    would never want that too happen to anybody. Anyway I told her I had little thoughts of sex that night and they were

    more of thoughts of kissing & cuddling and that I was looking forward to going out again.

    Anyway we are

    going out again. She is a great personalty, is so funny and attractive! She said she was a model a few years ago and

    I can surely see why. She admits to having self-esteem issues. I\'m sure because of the past. That makes me kinda

    interested in her more for I would like nothing better than to see her overcome her problems and even be a part of

    helping her do so. But yet again part of me tells me she has a few issues and perhaps I\'m getting into dangerous

    territory especially if I get into a more serious relationship with her. I like her though and care for her so

    I\'m going to go out with her again. I hope she gets more mental stability and is currently more stable than not.

    She also works with mentally ill people so that probably doesn\'t help her mind set. I know of other people that

    work in mental hospitals and that can be stressful & depressing.

    Anyway I\'m not sure if the mones perhaps

    were part of the way she acted as she did. Perhaps she did want to take it farther last night. With what she told me

    about the abusive relationship it certainly would point she really didnt want to go farther. I\'m glad we

    didn\'t go that route and for now I am looking forward to going with her again. I certainly will not take it to a

    sexual level unless I\'m sure that\'s what she is ready for.

    Often it is hard to understand what all happens

    with someone you hardly know. I\'m not going to analyze it a whole lot but just go with the flow. If anyone out

    there has opinions of the above I surely werlcome. I hope I didn\'t bore you too much with this. Thanks for

    listening! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    going on my

    past experiances...stay clear

    But if you are attracted to her thats one thing...but dont go down the I\'ll Save

    this girl route...you will regret it.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    Ya done good

    Bigdog! You handled yourself well and that\'s refreshing to read. It\'s good that you have an objective view on

    things too. Your new friend seems to have a similar perspective on her situation. This is a very positive and

    healthy sign.

    Point: Her abusive X-b/f is not where the abuse started with her. More than likely it goes back

    further in her past to Daddy, Mommy, a big brother or the general climate of the house she was raised in. Abuse in

    one form or another is epidemic in our current culture. Strippers, tats, piercings and acting out sexually are all,

    for the most part, by-products of abuse and are a bi-product of my generations \"If it feels good do it; sex, drugs

    and rock and roll\" family and human being destroying bullsh*t thinking which emerged during the late 60\'s. It

    would be best for her and your potential relationship if she talked to a professional about her situation and her

    past history. Wonderful healing is possible in the right environment. Don\'t try to fix her yourself. If you\'re

    serious about her it would be really cool if you worked with her with the help of a professional but getting her

    into see somebody who can help her would be the best. Good luck Bro!

  4. #4
    Banned User Elana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    going on my past experiances...stay clear

    But if

    you are attracted to her thats one thing...but dont go down the I\'ll Save this girl route...you will regret it.



    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Yeah...I agree. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]


  5. #5
    Phero Dude
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    She has been

    seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds. She seems upfront about her issues which is a good sign. I\'m not trying to

    be a savior (the Lord knows I\'m probably not qualified to do that anyway) but if she needs the support I want to

    be there. Perhaps my interest in her is partly due to feeling for her and not just enjoying being with her.

    Nonetheless I plan on being careful and being there for her if she needs someone for help or advice. I just hope she

    is fairly mentally stable and I can trust her. I know there is a possibility she may not be too stable but I\'m

    willing to take the chance.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    Bigdog, I

    hope I\'m wrong, but I see red flags all over the place here...seriously. Fortunately, you abstained the first

    time. Until you know a lot more, don\'t escalate the intimacy...maybe she\'s different, but most people save

    the serious skeletons in their closets until after things get closer...if she has even more to share than she\'s

    told you so far, then that\'s a hell of a lot of baggage...

  7. #7
    Banned User Elana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Bigdog, I hope I\'m wrong, but I see red flags

    all over the place here...seriously.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
    HUGE RED FLAGS

  8. #8
    Phero Dude
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    Thanks for

    the advice all. I will think more seriously about going out with her again.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Thanks for the advice all. I will think more

    seriously about going out with her again.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Go out with her again,

    just be up front that you won\'t do know she can handle a relationship before you enter one wth her. You were

    right to take things slow. It is very difficult to satisfy an unhappy person. Take things slow and hopefully she

    will be able to eventually handle something more serious. Keep it as friends for now.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    Stay away

    from the psychos. They\'re not worth the trouble. And believe me, they ARE trouble.

  11. #11
    Phero Dude
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    I believe a

    good number of people have flags too and are not honest about them and hide them. Couldn\'t being upfront and

    honest with me about them count and tell something respectable of her?

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I believe a good number of people have flags too

    and are not honest about them and hide them. Couldn\'t being upfront and honest with me about them count and tell

    something respectable of her?

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Not when she goes off the deep

    end.

  13. #13
    I'm a whopper!
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    I

    think of fatal attraction when i read this post.

  14. #14
    Phero Dude
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    I just had

    time to waste at work today to type. I feel bad for her besides have a liking for her. I wonder if mones played a

    part in any of this too. I\'m not going to think a whole lot about it. I may or may not go out again with her. No

    biggie to me either way. I do have to admit I analyze dates sometimes.

  15. #15
    Pheromaniac Sexyredhead's Avatar
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I just had time to waste at work today to type. I

    feel bad for her besides have a liking for her. I wonder if mones played a part in any of this too. I\'m not going

    to think a whole lot about it. I may or may not go out again with her. No biggie to me either way. I do have to

    admit I analyze dates sometimes.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    You know, I looked back at

    least twice at your mix to see if there was something in it that would make her spill like that. I don\'t see

    anything, unless you had so much -none on that she got nervous and spilled what she wouldn\'t spill till later.

    Still, be careful with that one, no matter how hot she is.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    I think she

    might be a great catch. It\'s very good that she is open and speaking to you about her problems. Most people

    wouldnt even bring something like that up. I don\'t feel she is a psycho (if she was I dout she would of spilled

    all that information). Just sounds like she knows she needs help, and she is getting it. It also helps for people

    in situations like these to talk about there problems. It probably made her feel 100x better to even get it off of

    her chest. With her situation I would agree that working with mentally ill people isnt helping her, but I think she

    has a good heart. Not many people would take the time to work with them. I would deffinately stick around to see

    what could become of this.

  17. #17
    Phero Dude
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    Thanks Skyy.

    I believe saying \'adios\' after her being upfront about her issues is not the way I want to go. I do actually

    think it\'s better to go out and get to know her better and then if thngs go well go from there. From the private

    messages and posts here opinion is 50/50.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    Well the old

    saying of \"Dont judge a book by its cover\" is pretty accurate.

    You have seen the cover, perhaps even read

    the preface and possibly hit the first 1-2 chapters. There is still a lot of uncovered ground.

    Follow your

    heart.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I think she might be a great catch. It\'s very

    good that she is open and speaking to you about her problems. Most people wouldnt even bring something like that

    up. I don\'t feel she is a psycho (if she was I dout she would of spilled all that information). Just sounds

    like she knows she needs help, and she is getting it. It also helps for people in situations like these to talk

    about there problems. It probably made her feel 100x better to even get it off of her chest. With her situation I

    would agree that working with mentally ill people isnt helping her, but I think she has a good heart. Not many

    people would take the time to work with them. I would deffinately stick around to see what could become of this.



    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">


    What Skyy wrote...me too.

    We ALL have mental health issues.

    Most people just don\'t know it and think it\'s the world that\'s F\'d up. Which it is of course cuz we ALL

    have issues. Here\'s a thought Bigdog. Not that I\'m trying to wiz on you but, mones aside, what is it about you

    that would make a woman that\'s attracted to abusive men attracted to you? Conversely, what is it about me that

    has attracted soooo many basket cases. See what I mean? The people we get involved with, those that we are attracted

    to and those that are attracted to us, are mirrors to an extant. Windows of perceptions as to who we are

    ourselves.

    Where\'s my Bourbon?

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    I just got back

    from a nice walk on the beach with my dogs. Nothing like watching the waves pound against the shore and Seagull crap

    fall from on-high to make you feel good about life in general.

    I wrote:

    </font><blockquote><font

    class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    what is it about you that would make a woman that\'s attracted to abusive

    men attracted to you?

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Looking at it another way one could ask

    what it is about you that would attract a women on her way to good mental health.

  21. #21
    Banned User Elana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.



    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Looking at it another way one could ask what it is

    about you that would attract a women on her way to good mental health.

    <hr /></blockquote><font

    class=\"post\">

    Too much Oprah, Ms. Ashetta

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Bigdog, I hope I\'m wrong, but I see red flags

    all over the place here...seriously. Fortunately, you abstained the first time. Until you know a lot more,

    don\'t escalate the intimacy...maybe she\'s different, but most people save the serious skeletons in their

    closets until after things get closer...if she has even more to share than she\'s told you so far, then that\'s

    a hell of a lot of baggage...

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    I agree. The babe is lugging around

    a whole set of Samsonite, and a couple of steamer trunks.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I just had time to waste at work today to type. I

    feel bad for her besides have a liking for her. I wonder if mones played a part in any of this too. I\'m not going

    to think a whole lot about it. I may or may not go out again with her. No biggie to me either way. I do have to

    admit I analyze dates sometimes.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    She might be into a victim

    role, and have you \"cast\" as a rescuer. I could be wrong, of course, But, if not......RUN! That role turns

    unpleasant.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I think she might be a great catch. It\'s very

    good that she is open and speaking to you about her problems. Most people wouldnt even bring something like that

    up. I don\'t feel she is a psycho (if she was I dout she would of spilled all that information). Just sounds

    like she knows she needs help, and she is getting it. It also helps for people in situations like these to talk

    about there problems. It probably made her feel 100x better to even get it off of her chest. With her situation I

    would agree that working with mentally ill people isnt helping her, but I think she has a good heart. Not many

    people would take the time to work with them. I would deffinately stick around to see what could become of this.



    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    A good place to spill the problems would be on a shrink. Might

    need and antidepressant, too. Being that \"upfront\" that early could signal emotional vampirism.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font

    class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Looking at it another way one could ask what it is about you that would

    attract a women on her way to good mental health.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Too much Oprah,

    Ms. Ashetta

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    I take it back. Ash really does have a penis.

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

  26. #26
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Bigdog, I hope I\'m wrong, but I see red flags

    all over the place here...seriously. Fortunately, you abstained the first time. Until you know a lot more,

    don\'t escalate the intimacy...maybe she\'s different, but most people save the serious skeletons in their

    closets until after things get closer...if she has even more to share than she\'s told you so far, then that\'s

    a hell of a lot of baggage...

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Set expectataions, let her know up

    front that u are sympathetic but hold off a little on the intamacy (your post is a few months old so it may be too

    late).
    Honesty is important so make your feelings clear.


    DCW

  27. #27
    Phero Dude OCP's Avatar
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    1) Why are you

    pulling out to put on a condom?

    2) If she is so smalll then you are incompatable. You have a choice forget good

    sex and have a trophy wife or dump her.

    3) If sex is not good then the woman is not good. Dump her and find a

    compatable woman.

    the three biggest reasons for divorce is Money, religion and sex. You are already 1/3 of your

    way to divorce.....move on.

    BTW. consider me the Simon of LS forum.

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

    ps are you gay by any chance?

  28. #28
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    I

    agree with Skyy on this one...

    No reason to crucify her yet, she\'s been nothing but honest! Bigdog also said,

    she had a gread personality, right?? So she isn\'t a psycho, but rather an open-minded person, that can admit her

    faults.

    Plus, bigd. also said that she is beautiful!

    Now, what reasons are there for them NOT to forge a

    really deep relationship?? They might have found their opposite soul-mates and there is 20 People blaring: \"Ah,

    psycho-bitch\"... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

    I find that really wrong! KEEP GOING BIGDOG,

    BE AWARE OF THE FLAGS, BUT DON\'T LET THEM STOP YOU!!! *thumbsup*

  29. #29
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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    1) Why are you pulling out to put on a

    condom?

    2) If she is so smalll then you are incompatable. You have a choice forget good sex and have a trophy

    wife or dump her.

    3) If sex is not good then the woman is not good. Dump her and find a compatable woman.

    the

    three biggest reasons for divorce is Money, religion and sex. You are already 1/3 of your way to divorce.....move

    on.

    BTW. consider me the Simon of LS forum. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

    ps are you gay

    by any chance?

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
    wrong post then?

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

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    Default Re: Interesting Last Night.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I agree with Skyy on this one...

    No reason to

    crucify her yet, she\'s been nothing but honest! Bigdog also said, she had a gread personality, right?? So she

    isn\'t a psycho, but rather an open-minded person, that can admit her faults.

    Plus, bigd. also said that she is

    beautiful!

    Now, what reasons are there for them NOT to forge a really deep relationship?? They might have found

    their opposite soul-mates and there is 20 People blaring: \"Ah, psycho-bitch\"...

    I find that really wrong!

    KEEP GOING BIGDOG, BE AWARE OF THE FLAGS, BUT DON\'T LET THEM STOP YOU!!! *thumbsup*


    <hr

    /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    you may be right. I can only call upon my own experience to guide me

    here. Based on my own experience, there are a number of things that she is doing that I have seen in my own life as

    precursors to \'psycho-bitch\' (as you put it) behavior. I have seen this on more than one occasion, and one

    has always preceeded the other. I don\'t believe I\'ve ever seen such quick and complete openess from women who

    did not eventually develop \'psycho-bitch\' behavior. Having said that, I also noticed that women I\'ve dated

    who have exhibited these tendencies also happen to be really fun in bed...

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